Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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