So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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