I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
