I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
