i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
