HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
