dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
