turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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