It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
