my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
