I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A+ Viking dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
