I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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