You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think my fart just growled at me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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