I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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