I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
