I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
