tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
