Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
