it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
