Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
