Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
