shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize