o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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