I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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