So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
