my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
