their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
