C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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