girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
