no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
