I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shame - the story of my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
