I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
