hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
