You just made me feel so damn special
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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