I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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