I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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