i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
