From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We need to get me chipped asap
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