I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
