Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
