I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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