I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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