Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
