DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
