You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
honey bunches of taint.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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