People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
