I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize