I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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