I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
