You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
