He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
