I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
