well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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