let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
