man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
