i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
