i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize