"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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