woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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