He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
