we're blogging at a bar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
