My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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