can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
