i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
