I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
