You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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