I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
