There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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