Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
