Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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