Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
